i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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