Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
