fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize