I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
