I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
