i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
