Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
