I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
