And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
