Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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