The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
