Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just forgot I was standing up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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