Umm I'm too high to move.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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