I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
