butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
