we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
