Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
