1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
