so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
