So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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