You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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