i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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