He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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