He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize