I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
