it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
