just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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