I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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