you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
