before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
