If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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