So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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