He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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