I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
