why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's blow job season.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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