I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
