That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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