It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
