Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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