I look better un-naked...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
