i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize