Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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