who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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