Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
