There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize