i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
