I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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