I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
