Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
