Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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