So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
