I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deserve this hangover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
