Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
