talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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