I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
