I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
