Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize