I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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