if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
