How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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