It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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