I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
