On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
