Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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