...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is that strawberry winking at me??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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