He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
